Support for Carers
The impacts of an eating disorder don’t stop at the person who’s affected. Parents, siblings, partners, extended family and friends often find themselves sharing the rollercoaster ride of emotions that go with an eating disorder – from confusion and desperation to the joys of gradual improvements and landmark achievements.
Carers often report that supporting their loved one affects their own physical and mental health. It’s therefore crucial for family and friends to have support to best help their loved one, as well as themselves. Every carer’s experience of supporting their loved one is individual, as is the way they manage their own well-being. The following ideas have been suggested by Beat from carers who have supported someone with an eating disorder:
Seek time for yourself where possible: Ensuring you have time away from your loved one to do things you enjoy and gain support from others – carers sometimes say they feel this is selfish, but in fact it’ll strengthen you and help you get through the difficult times.
Seek support for yourself: Whether this is in the form of formal counselling, chats with friends, or contacting Beat’s helpline. Remember the saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” – you need to look after your own well-being and resources to best support your loved one.
Take time to manage your own expectations of recovery: Accepting what’s happening and recognising that some things are outside of your control will lessen the pressure you’re placing on yourself.
Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes: There’ll be times when you reflect that a situation could have been handled better or you regret something that you’ve done or said. Rather than berating yourself for these, acknowledge them and learn from them – you are dealing with a very difficult situation and are doing your best.
Write a list of ways in which other people can help you: This may be practical day-to-day things, or direct help with supporting the person you’re caring for.
Give yourself permission to meet your own needs: Think about what you enjoy or makes you feel better – perhaps a hobby, exercising, seeing friends or practicing mindfulness. You’ll be able to be more supportive of your loved one if you’ve had a chance to focus on your own wellbeing.
A step at a time: Break down the areas of stress in your life into chunks that feel more manageable rather than feeling like everything is overwhelming. For example, are there aspects of the stressful situation that you’re able to think of solutions for?
Breathe: Consider what will help you feel more grounded and aware of the present moment, rather than feeling like everything is spinning around in your head. Experiment with different grounding techniques. Breathing exercises, such as those found on YouTube videos or apps, can also be a useful resource to help people to let go of tensions and bring them back into the present moment.
Practice self-compassion: You didn’t ask to be in this situation nor are you to blame for it. Exercises to help you practice self-compassion can be found on the internet.
